I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
