What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
