I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
