The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
