i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
