Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
