Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
