There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
