How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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