"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
