i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
