My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
