your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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