I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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