By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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