people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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