just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
