God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
