i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
