Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
