While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am one with the molecules
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
