I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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