I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
