I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
