Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
