She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
