On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
