I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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