oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
