And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
