My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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