my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
