my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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