Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
