this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
