Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
