Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
