She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
