Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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