I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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