hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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