It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
