a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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