well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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