I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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