Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
