You smell like a Billy Joel song
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
