mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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