I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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