we have officially lost it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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