just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
