Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
