dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
