i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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