I'm so fucking centered right now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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