How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So squirting runs in the family.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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