i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
