i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
