season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
