you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
