i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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