What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
