dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
