She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
