Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
