Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
