Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize