I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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