They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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