I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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