Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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