i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
