I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
